


5+1 {tony and peter}

by lovingreckless25



Series: mosaics are beautifully made with broken pieces (and this is why i love you) [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Everyone Loves Peter Parker, Hurt Peter Parker, Irondad, Marvel Universe, Peter Parker Calls Tony Stark "Dad", Peter Parker Loves Tony Stark, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker isn't Tony Stark's Biological Child but he should be, Protective Tony Stark, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Loves Peter Parker, Whump, spiderson, whumping peter parker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:28:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27543079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovingreckless25/pseuds/lovingreckless25
Summary: basically i love tony and peter's father-son dynamic, so i started writing my own.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: mosaics are beautifully made with broken pieces (and this is why i love you) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2013253
Comments: 18
Kudos: 135





	1. 1.1

**five times peter didn't know who had carried him and one time he did**

The one thing that Peter could remember about Ben without having to concentrate was how unfailingly _safe_ he always felt when his uncle would carry him somewhere. Ben was steady and strong and sure of himself. When Peter had first come to live with his aunt and uncle, he was plagued by such awful nightmares- _planesfallingcrashingburningplanesfallingcrashingburning-_ that it became a Parker household norm for the three of them to fall asleep watching _Tarzan_ on the couch and for Peter to be carried to bed. In the beginning it was May carrying him to his room as often as it was Ben, since Peter was only four (almost five as he liked to remind them) and easily lifted. At the end, it was always Ben. Ben and his strong arms and steady gait and huge, warm hands carding through Peter's curls as he hummed "You Are My Sunshine" the same slow way that Peter's mother had. Peter could faintly recall the rumbling of his uncle's chest as the man hummed, woefully off-key but trying all the same to give Peter as many moments of uninterrupted sleep as he could before he inevitably woke screaming. Eventually, the couch sleepovers happened less frequently, due to Peter coping and growing older and feeling safe in his unconventionally wonderful little family. On rough days, (one of his parents' birthdays or Christmas or the eighth grade science fair that he won after theorizing how the arc reactor in Stark Tower worked) they all just sort of ended up back on the couch, with _You'll Be in My Heart_ playing on the small television and Peter drifting off between the two people he loved most in the world.

After Ben died, Peter threw out the _Tarzan_ DVD and only felt comfortable sitting in the armchair when he and May watched trivia shows on Saturday mornings. 

The spider bite changed everything, but one thing Peter had noticed that was unnerving was how _light_ he was now. He had been eating like an Olympic swimmer for months now after it took him over a week to even think about touching food after watching Ben bleed out on the sidewalk in front of him. Out of curiosity, Peter stepped on the scale that May kept in the small bathroom of the apartment and sucked in a harsh breath at the blinking number displayed on the small screen.

_85._

Peter looked at himself in the mirror, at the toned muscles and broadened shoulders that had developed over the course of one of the worst weeks of his life and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. How could he weigh less than what he had weighed before the bite?

He had some research to do.

\--------------------------------

After the Vulture and after he turned down Mr. Stark's offer to be an Avenger, Peter worried that Tony gifting him the suit would be the last time he heard from the billionaire before Happy would go back to screening his calls. He couldn't have been more wrong. Peter didn't know what had changed, but now Mr. Stark was an active part of his life. May had discovered his secret, thanks to Peter being a dumbass, and she had called Tony to rain hellfire and damnation down upon Mr. Stark's mortal soul. One of her demands within the negotiations that followed that horrifying phone call was that Tony take Peter under his wing. 

Peter, May explained, would never tell Tony this, but he had looked up to the genius for as long as he or May could remember. In a later and much calmer conversation, May confided that Peter used to watch all of Tony's press conferences, his little face almost pressed against the TV screen and wearing his plastic Iron Man toy mask and gauntlets. Tony Stark had been Peter Parker's hero long before Iron Man was the world's superhero, May told him with a fond smile as she pressed baby pictures of her nephew into the hero's hands. Tony would never admit to asking May if he could make copies of the photos.

Slowly, but surely, Tony and Peter grew closer. Tony took over as being Peter's main contact for patrol reports and found he actually enjoyed listening to Peter narrate his day saving the world one little guy at a time. After Tony noticed that there were upgrades to the suit being made with scraps that looked as though they had been dug out from a dumpster, he decided to invite Peter to his personal lab in the Avengers Tower that he had decided to push the selling date back on. Peter's face when he walked into the lab was something Tony never wanted to forget, the wide eyed expression of awe just barely hiding the brutally intense intelligence that _was_ Peter Benjamin Parker. 

(If that expression, frozen on a holographic screen hours later, ended up being the motivating factor behind Tony's decision to stop entertaining offers on the Tower entirely, nobody had to know. It wouldn't be the last time a photo of Peter Parker influenced one of Tony's major decisions.)

After the Vulture and the kid rejecting his offer of a spot on the team, Tony expected to lose interest like he usually did. He knew Peter was smart, the kid had developed a web fluid that _still_ baffled Tony for fuck's sake, but when an interest stopped offering new and unique developments, Tony's mind couldn't help but move on. It's just that Peter _always_ had some new idea or would say something that would incite another round of inventing from the genius or the tension Tony somehow found himself noticing in Peter's face would spark a warm feeling deep in his stomach that Tony was unfamiliar with and that Rhodey said was concern for someone he felt responsible for. Every time he invited Peter to the lab for a work session Tony swore it was going to be the last time he did it and every time Peter ended up surprising him. Every single time. 

Whether it was an offhanded comment about the project that Tony had thrown up in the air as he worked and Peter did his own thing, (though closely monitored by Tony) or a correction on a formula that Tony had started when he was sleep deprived and prone to mistakes or noticing a creased forehead and watery eyes after a long week at school, Tony could not deny the level of attention that he couldn't help but give his young protégé. Tony knew he loved Peter in an unconditional and vast way, he just wasn't quite to the point that he was ready to verbalize those feelings. 

Instead, Tony demonstrated his love through actions. By sending Happy, his most trusted driver and friend to pick up the kid. By taking over picking up Peter every weekend and even some weekdays. By adopting the habit of carrying snacks for Peter's insane metabolism. By quizzing Peter on his Spanish and his History and his Physics during lab time. Tony knew Peter's favorite comfort foods based on what mood he was in. Tony knew how Peter's voice changed when he was afraid to admit how badly he had gotten hurt on patrol. Tony knew the creases in Peter's face when he was stressed and the tense line of his shoulders when he was sad. 

Tonight, he was learning a multitude of new things about Peter. Way more things than he had planned on learning about the sixteen-year-old on this random Friday night. 

Peter had stumbled into the lab after Happy dropped him off looking most of the way into an early grave. He sported horribly dark bags under his eyes, a t-shirt that was on inside out, and mismatched socks, much to Tony's concern. Peter's curls stuck up haphazardly and he merely blinked blearily when Tony asked if he was okay.

"Peter?"

Blink.

"Pete?"

A slight sway, which caused Tony to slowly rise to his feet. 

"Kid, why don't we go sit down for a little while?"

"Uh huh," Peter mumbled, shifting his backpack off of his shoulders and dropping it to the floor carelessly. Turning, Peter walked towards the couch Tony had recently replaced before collapsing on it with a loud grumble and kicking off his shoes. Tony followed the teenagers, wringing his hands in consternation because this was nothing that he had ever dealt with before and he was worried that he would screw it up. That he would somehow screw Peter up. Perching on the couch next to Peter, Tony slumped into the plush cushions as Peter dragged a throw blanket around his shoulders and breathed out shakily.

"You wanna talk about it?" Tony murmured.

Peter didn't even acknowledge that his mentor had spoken.

"Wanna watch something?" Came Tony's second offer.

This time Peter nodded.

"Brooklyn 99 please, FRIDAY."

They sat in companionable silence for a few episodes before Tony noticed Peter's head lolling. Peter had tucked himself into the far corner of the couch, arms wrapped around himself in an effort to self sooth. Apparently sitting in silence with a sitcom on had relaxed Peter enough that he had given into sleep and Tony just didn't have the heart to wake him up, even though it was just before seven in the evening. Instead, the billionaire sat through another episode of the show before deciding to send a message to May Parker telling her Peter had had a rough day and asking for the teen to spend the weekend at the Tower. She replied with consent almost instantly and requested that Tony have her nephew call her when he woke up the next morning. 

Lowly, Tony asked FRIDAY to turn the TV off before climbing to his feet and moving to stand by Peter.

"Bubba," the term of endearment slipped from Tony's lips without him realizing, but he didn't regret it, "hey, why don't we move you to your room?"

Silence.

"Pete."

Nothing.

"Bubba, don't make me carry you. Because I will and I'll tease you for it later." He wouldn't, but the thought was funny.

Peter took in a deep breath and exhaled.

_Boss, I recommend moving Mr. Parker before he enters the next phase in the sleep cycle._ FRIDAY spoke up softly, strengthening Tony's resolve. Crouching, Tony reached out before he could overthink it and gathered Peter against his chest, momentarily alarmed at how light the teenager was. Then Peter murmured unintelligibly and pressed his cold nose into Tony's neck as he bunched the billionaire's loose t-shirt into his fist and sighed. Tony forgot everything besides focusing on getting Peter to bed without waking him. As he walked to the elevator, the teenager tucked against him bridal style, Tony noted that he was already dressed in sweatpants and a soft shirt, so he wouldn't have to worry about Peter being uncomfortable after he put him to bed. The elevator ride was quiet, Tony leaning against the back wall as he matched his own breathing to the deep, even breaths of the boy he held. 

Exiting the elevator, Tony padded down the hallway before nudging the door to the room next to his own open and moving across the room to settle Peter into his bed. As Tony leaned over to deposit the sleeping teen, Peter whimpered and clutched at Tony's shirt in distress.

"Sh, bubba, it's okay. It's Tony, I'm just putting you to bed. It's okay," Tony murmured, gently untangling Peter's fingers and tucking the comforter around him. He let out a sigh of relief as Peter huffed out a sleepy breath and settled into his pillow. Before he could stop himself, Tony reached out and brushed the curls off Peter's forehead, feeling something warm in his chest that he didn't want to dwell on at the moment. 

"Goodnight, Pete."

Tony slipped out of the room with a murmured order to FRIDAY to let him know if Peter needed him in the night. 

\--------------------------------

Peter woke sometime in the early morning, before it was light out. He was in his room at the Tower, but it was too early to try and piece together how that had happened. He vaguely recalled being upset after school and entering the lab. He would have to give Mr. Stark an explanation for his bed mood, but strangely Peter wasn't stressing about that conversation as much as he thought he would be. Maybe that had something to do with the fuzzy, half formed memories of strong arms carrying him and being tucked in to his bed and feeling a sense of safety like he hadn't felt since Ben. Maybe. 

Peter drifted back to sleep feeling safer than he had in over a year.


	2. 1.2

**five times peter didn't know who had carried him and one time he did**

December was always a difficult month for Peter and he knew the same was true for Tony. Celebrating the holidays without Ben made Peter's chest ache. Ben had loved all of the holidays that came about at the end of the year. Peter remembered his uncle always singing, no matter how many times they told him his voice was awful. He never understood how Ben's voice was deep and almost melodic when he was speaking normally, but the moment he started singing it was one of the worst noises Peter had ever heard. It was just one of the things that made Ben _Ben._

And Peter missed him in a terrible, heavy way. 

He didn't want to psychoanalyze exactly why it was a subconscious instinct to seek out Tony. Tony was comfort and safety and peace and quiet. Peter could hide his sadness behind cheering Tony up because Tony _needed_ him to be there for him. So Peter made it his mission to make this December as happy as he possibly could for his da- mentor- Tony. For his Tony. 

Peter shook his head to clear his thoughts and continued his course across the ceiling, allowing the garland he was using to decorate to fall into soft waves around the living area of Tony's floor in Stark Tower. He had snuck in hours ago, knowing that Tony and Pepper would both have a full and long schedule for the day since it was the last day before the break given for the holidays at Stark Industries and there were a ton of deadlines to finalize. Peter knew that Tony had a hard time with Christmas because of his parents' death happening less than two weeks before the holiday, but he had been talking with FRIDAY and Miss Pepper and Colonel Rhodes and had pieced together enough that Tony had loved decorating for Christmas before he lost his mother and father. Peter hoped that if he did it alone this year, that Tony would want to take part in it next year. 

Another couple of hours passed, Peter really getting lost in decorating. Finally, everything looked perfect and Tony and Miss Pepper were going to be home any minute. Peter settled on the soft couch, pulling a throw blanket up over his shoulders as FRIDAY continued playing Christmas music softly. He couldn't wait to see Tony's face when he saw all of the decorations. Peter blinked slowly. His blanket was so warm, he'd have to ask Miss Pepper where she got it...

Peter's head lolled as he drifted off to the sound of Dean Martin's soft voice. 

__________________________________________ 

Tony had never been more ready to go to bed. Normally he was itching to disappear into the lab in order to work on the twenty or so different projects he had to finish, but tonight he was absolutely exhausted. He wanted nothing more than to shower and curl up around Pepper for a well deserved night's sleep. Tony reached out and wrapped his arm around Pepper, who leaned against him tiredly as the elevator took them to their penthouse floor.

Nothing could have prepared them for what the elevator doors opened up to reveal. 

_A winter wonderland,_ Tony's mind supplied. Pepper gasped against his side, hand flying to her mouth as they gazed around the living room. An enormous Christmas tree stood against the windows, decorated in full, all except the top adorning ornament. Garlands danced along the walls and hung from the ceiling in amazing designs. A fire roared in the rarely used fireplace and the entire room smelled like cinnamon and fir trees. Tony's eyes felt wet, but he would never admit it. 

"Oh, Tony!" Pepper exclaimed.

They both did another spin, trying to take it all in.

"Tony, did you hire someone? Oh this is beautiful!"

Tony was finally able to speak.

"No, I didn't do this. I wonder who did," Tony murmured.

Someone had been in the Tower. Someone had been on his private floor. Someone had _been here. Someone had been here and FRIDAY hadn't alerted him or said anything._

Tony's breathing escalated. They were in danger. Pepper was in danger. Someone had _been here._

"Tony, sweetheart, Tony, breathe with me, come on. Breathe with me, Tony," Pepper's voice filtered in through his frantic thoughts. 

_Breathe. Breathe. In, out. In, out. In, out._

His chest suddenly expanded and he was able to breathe. Tony expounded upon this realization by drawing in the deepest breath he could and letting it go slowly.

"Tony it was Peter," Pepper murmured as she rubbed his back gently. How had they ended up on the floor?

"W-what? Where's Peter? 's he 'kay?" Tony mumbled, clutching Pepper's fingers with his hand.

"Sweetheart, Peter's fine, I was just realizing he was the one who decorated. Tony, he's right over there on the couch."

Tony turned faster than he knew he was capable of and sure enough, there was Peter, curled up in a throw blanket, breathing deeply and very much asleep. He sighed in relief. _Of course_ Peter had decorated, Tony knew that in some part of his son- protégé- Peter. His Peter. He was the one who had decorated for some reason. A reason that Tony would get out of Peter in the morning. He was much too tired to fight that battle. As was Peter, who let out a small huff of sleepiness and nuzzled more tightly against the arm of the couch, causing Tony's heart to spasm with an emotion that could only be love.

Tony breathed.

"He should go to bed." The statement settled into the dark of the night, hanging midair.

"Yes, he should," Pepper said, shooting a knowing glance towards Tony, whose entire focus was on the teenager sleeping on the couch. She took a moment to look at Peter, just to attempt to see him how Tony did, and she was met with a thick head of dark brown curls and a soft, almost child-like countenance as Peter breathed in and then out, completely unaware of his surroundings. Her focus jumped suddenly to Tony, who had the softest expression that Pepper had ever seen on his face. Pepper watched Tony's mouth quirk up in a half smile as he moved towards the boy on the couch. 

She watched as Tony slowly traced his fingertips against Peter's face, murmuring "shhhhh bubba, it's just me, it's Tony" as Peter's face scrunched up in fear and then proceeded to relax completely when he realized who had woken him up.

"Hi, bubba," Tony murmured.

"T'ny," Peter mumbled, still mostly asleep.

Tony smiled and ran his fingers through Peter's curls.

"Pete, how about we head to bed?"

"Wan'ed to see you' faces wh'n you saw my d'corations."

"We love them, bubba," Tony mumbled affectionately, carding through Peter's hair again. In response, Peter snuffled and drifted back to sleep. Tony turned towards Pepper in a slight panic, fingers still moving against Peter's scalp in a comforting manner.

"Go put him in bed," Pepper answered Tony's question before he even asked it. 

Tony nodded as he watched Pepper tiptoe towards their room. Turning back towards Peter, Tony reached out and scooped the teen against him like a toddler, marveling again at how light the spider bite had made him. Peter huffed before turning his head towards Tony, burrowing into the billionaires neck and sighing softly. Tony melted on the inside, standing completely still as he danced his fingers up and down Peter's back and just savored holding his son.

It wasn't until he was bent over and depositing Peter in his bed that Tony realized that he had claimed Peter as his son and that concept hadn't made him run for the hills. He _wanted_ to be there for Peter. He wanted Peter. 

Tony reached out and brushed the sleeping boys curls back, wincing when Peter stumbled into slight awareness.

"T'ny?"

"Yeah, bubba, I'm here sweetheart," Tony answered.

Peter smiled softly.

"Hi... I w'nted me 'nd you to pu' the star on top," Peter mumbled into his pillow, as Tony kept his pace massaging Peter's scalp. 

"First thing in the morning, bubba," Tony promised.

"Mmm... 'kay... Dad..." Peter trailed off and succumbed to sleep. 

Tony felt too warm. It was much too warm in Peter's room, Tony decided. He was just overheated. He gazed at Peter's sleeping face and knew that the paternal feelings were the reason behind why he felt overheated, but refused to admit it. He loved the kid more than almost anything in the world. Peter had decorated the penthouse even though Tony knew that December was a grieving period for the Parkers. God he loved this kid. So much.

Tony carded his fingers through Peter's hair one last time as Peter drew in a deep breath and then exhaled, settling for what Tony hoped was the rest of the night.

"I love you so much, bubba," Tony murmured.

Peter snored in response.


	3. 1.3

**five times peter didn't know who had carried him and one time he did**

Everything had been going fine. It had been a rough battle, but the team had finally started gaining the upper hand against the high tech aliens that had decided to invade Midtown on a Thursday afternoon. They had almost been overwhelmed by the sheer number of foot soldiers that they had had to deal with before focusing on the higher ups. From what they could tell, the higher ranking aliens had technology and while the tech was low range, it was also enough that it was knocking out systems in the Iron Man and War Machine suits almost faster than the AIs installed in the suits could reboot them. 

Tony had landed and was trying to use some of the alien tech that had come off of a blown up ship to figure out how to hack into the mainframe of the big ship that the aliens were coming out of. He was totally focused on the task at hand and had all but completely tuned out the voices of the rest of the Avengers in his ears, when he heard the worst sound he could imagine in that moment.

"Mr. Stark! Look out!"

Peter's voice.

Tony whipped around just in time to see a red and blue blur swing through the air and slam feet first into the head of one of the bigger aliens, knocking it off its course towards Tony's unprotected back. The alien crashed to the ground and was immobilized by Steve and Natasha. Peter landed nimbly on his feet in front of Tony, breathing heavily. Tony bristled as the teenager shuffled his feet and managed to look bashful even with the mask obscuring his face.

"What are you doing here, Spidey? It's a school day," Tony snapped, turning back to what he had been doing before. 

"School's out, Mr. Stark and it's mostly just clean up, I thought I could help! Maybe just keep everyone away from here? I promise I'll stay out of it," Peter said earnestly.

Tony didn't want Peter anywhere but in his direct line of vision.

"No, kid, c'mon and help me with this. I'm trying to figure out a way to use this tech to take the main ship down."

Peter eagerly joined his mentor and they quickly fell into their normal routine of working together and they soon had a working theory of how the aliens' tech worked and a plan. Peter would hit the kill switch after Tony had flown what was basically an alien tech EMP close enough to the main ship that it would shut it down. Tony was pretty sure that taking out that ship would put a halt to the entire attack and so was Peter. Tony quickly filled the team in on the plan and asked for extra coverage on Peter so that the genius could truly focus on getting as close as possible. 

Everything was going according to plan. Everything was fine.

Until it wasn't.

Tony threw the bomb and Peter flipped the switch, shutting down the ship. The rest of the army went eerily still and then collapsed like puppets with their strings cut. Exactly as they had planned. What they hadn't counted on was for the entire ship to collapse as well, hurtling towards the ground. With Tony underneath it. 

Peter's ecstatic whoop morphed into a strangled gasp of horror as he watched Iron Man be smacked out of the air and into the unforgiving concrete below. Time seemed to stand still as Peter started moving towards the giant hole in the middle of the street that his mentor had disappeared into. And had yet to reemerge from. Peter's frantic half run turned into a panicked sprint, flipping and jumping over rubble and alien bodies.

"Mr. Stark! Are you okay? Need a hand? You fell pretty hard..." Peter trailed off as he made it to the edge of the hole and was met with a scene that shook him to his core. 

The Iron Man suit was in pieces, Peter could see bruises all up and down Mr. Stark's arms and his face plate had been blown off, showcasing his broken nose and huge cut on his forehead. What made Peter's breath catch in his throat was the flickering of the arc reactor in middle of the mangled chest of the fallen hero. Peter let out a shaky breath as he climbed down carefully to reach the genius, ignoring the shouting of the rest of the team about being careful. Peter wanted to be next to Mr. Stark, needed to be next to Mr. Stark. He hadn't realized his hands were shaking until they were tracing his mentor's face carefully.

"Mr. Stark? Please wake up, it's Peter."

The billionaire didn't move except for the slight rise and fall of his shallow breathing as the arc reactor continued to flicker, the light staying darkened for longer and longer every time. 

"Tony? You're scaring me, please. Wake up please," Peter was crying now, though he barely felt the tears on his cheeks.

The arc reactor flickered into darkness and Peter sucked in a breath as he waited for the light to come back on. He could hear the others getting closer, but Peter remained focused on the little blue light that still wasn't turning back on. 

Distantly, Peter registered that someone had started screaming. An awful, wordless, terrified scream that just kept going on and on and on. He crumpled forward into Tony's side and pressed his forehead into his mentor's neck like a child seeking comfort from a parent. Why couldn't Peter _breathe_ dammit? And why the hell did his throat hurt so much? Why wasn't Tony helping him? 

"Peter, son, you gotta let him go. Kid, come on."

"You have to stop screaming kid, calm down he's going to be fine, but you have to let him go."

There were hands on him and voices around him and someone was trying to take Tony away from him. Who was screaming? Peter was so scared and Tony always helped him feel less afraid but Tony wasn't waking up and Peter _needed_ him. Where was Mr. Stark? _Who_ was screaming?!

"... sedate him... too worked up..."

"Tony...help... needs help."

"Banner?!"

Peter felt a hand in his hair (when had he taken the mask off?) and he jolted, scrambling frantically closer to Mr. Stark, using his strength and stickiness to stay tucked into the hero's side. Suddenly the hand in his hair was firmer, anchoring his head against the Iron Man suit seconds before Peter felt a sharp prick on his neck and the world started going fuzzy. Peter sucked in a breath and the screaming suddenly stopped. Holy shit, _Peter_ had been the one screaming. And now he was struggling to keep his eyes open.

"Tony, Tony... 'ony... help me, 'ony..."

The world went black.

\-------------------------

Peter swam up, up, up towards consciousness a couple of times before he broke the surface. He squinted against the too-bright lights of what he realized was the Med Bay at the compound. Funny, he didn't remember getting hurt bad enough to warrant the Med Bay. He drifted again, deterred from opening his eyes by the harsh lights and smells surrounding him. 

When he brushed against awareness again, it was accompanied by a rush of panic as he remembered the darkening of the arc reactor and his mentor's unconscious face. 

"'ony... need m' dad...need 'ony..." Peter mumbled before he was drifting again. 

A rocking motion woke him the next time, his head cradled against a broad shoulder as his body swayed with the motion of whoever was carrying him. All Peter knew was that he felt incredibly safe. Safe enough that he fell back asleep without asking for the very important thing he knew he needed, but couldn't quite remember. 

_Safe... safe with Dad... safe..._

\-------------------------- 

It was different when he woke up again, this time Peter shot up in bed in a panic, breathing hard and in frantic search for his d- Mr. Stark.

"Mr. Stark! Where are you? Wake up! You have to wake up!"

"Bubba, hey, calm down," a voice said. Peter surged towards it before he had fully registered who was even speaking. "Woah, woah, hey there bub, it's alright I'm right here. I'm okay."

Peter sobbed as Tony's arms came around him hesitantly. He drew in a strangled breath, chest heaving as he tried to orient himself. Distantly, Peter registered that his panic was unnecessary, his dad was right there with him alive and well. _Alivealivealivealive._

"Peter, honey, I need you to breathe," Tony murmured, rubbing Peter's back with warm hands.

Peter took a shuddering breath, trying to ground himself as he leaned against his mentor, head tucked into the crook of Tony's neck as he cried. Eventually his sobs tapered off and Peter became more aware of what was going on around him. They were in Peter's room at the compound and it was late at night, Peter could tell by the insanely soft bedding he was sitting on that Mr. Stark had bought for him after Peter had told him about having sensory issues. 

"How'd I get here?" Peter sniffled, finally feeling a little more in control. "How'd _you_ get here?! Mr. Stark, _Tony_ you were dead! I thought you _died_. I thought I watched you _die._ You died, you left me. Y-you _can't_ leave me, Dad."

Warm hands cupped his face and Peter stopped spiraling. Rough thumbs brushed away tears softly as Peter hiccoughed and shifted to clutch his mentor's t-shirt in his hands, gripping almost tightly enough to rip the fabric. Tony ducked his head to catch the teen's eyes, heart aching at the panic he found in Peter's gaze. 

"Shh, Pete, it's okay. I'm okay, you're okay," Tony murmured.

"B-But the arc reactor turned off, the l-light went off and I thought you were d-"

"I'm not, bubba, I'm just fine, I got knocked out, barely had a concussion," Tony reassured him.

"Did I get hit?" Peter wondered, Tony almost smiling at the child-like wonder in Peter's face. "I-I don't remember getting hurt, but I was unconscious I think?"

"Bruce had to sedate you to get you off of me so they could see what was wrong with me. You were pretty freaked out, bubba. I'm so sorry," Tony apologized.

"No, I just got scared but you didn't mean to. I was just acting like a little kid. It wasn't your fault at all, Tony," Peter said earnestly.

"Pete, you _are_ a kid and it is absolutely okay for you to act like one and to be afraid of losing someone, especially with your history."

"Really? You don't think I'm just being a baby?"

Tony had unconsciously started rocking back and forth as he and his kid had been talking, trying to soothe the teenager leaning against him. He could tell Peter was fighting a deep exhaustion, from the fight and from the emotional turmoil. Peter was blinking owlishly, still clutching the billionaire's shirt in his hands in an attempt to keep the man as close as possible. If Tony was being honest, he did see Peter as _his_ baby, as his child. It pained Tony to no end that Peter had been so terrified that the team had to sedate him to get him back to the compound safely. 

"No, bub, you're not a baby, you're the strongest person I know," Tony said honestly.

Peter sighed deeply, edging closer and closer to sleep as he hummed tiredly. Tony was working his fingers through the wild curls, smiling to himself as Peter became soft and warm against his side. Involuntarily, Tony began humming softly, the tune to _You Are My Sunshine_ reverberating through his chest. Peter nuzzled closer, clearly losing the battle with sleep.

"Go to sleep, bubba, I'll be right here when you wake up," Tony promised.

Peter took a deep breath in and out. Tony smiled, finally allowing himself to truly relax now that Peter was asleep.

Or so Tony thought.

"Love you Dad," came the soft murmur against the side of Tony's chest.

"Love you more, Spiderbaby."

They slept. 


	4. 1.4

**five times peter didn't know who had carried him and one time he did**

Peter knew it was stupid. He knew he never would have been allowed to leave the apartment (or Tony and Pepper's new penthouse, where he had recently begun staying as much as the apartment) if he had seen May or Tony, but by some stroke of dumb luck he managed to make it to Midtown without a responsible adult putting a stop to his dumbassery.

Peter also knew he was sick. And not with just a cold. No, he had had a cold last week that he was managing to power through. That is until he went patrolling in freezing rain and was knocked off a bridge into icy river water that he immediately sucked into his lungs and caused him to almost black out. Apparently filthy, bacteria-ridden river water was not supposed to enter your lungs unless you wanted pneumonia. Which is exactly what Peter's seasonal cold developed into. 

Fast forward to today, which was the worst Peter had felt throughout this whole ordeal. He was currently in the cafeteria with his head down on the cold lunch table, wheezing and shivering as he prayed for a generator to blow or someone to send an EMP through the school so he could just go home and _sleep._ Peter was even regretting conspiring with Ned and KAREN to disable the protocols Tony would need to monitor Peter's vitals and then programming fake vitals to be sent to the billionaire that told him Peter was perfectly healthy when he in fact was not.

Oh, boy did Peter regret that.

"-eter? Peter!"

"Wuh?"

"Peter! Dude, you look gross."

Oh. Ned. Peter blinked a bleary eye open and glared at his best friend. He opened his mouth to retort, and instead dissolved into an awful coughing fit. He felt hands trying to force a cup into his own, but Peter couldn't control how his hands were trembling as he coughed and coughed and coughed. It went on for so long Peter missed breathing. This was even worse than the time he had worked himself into needing sedation when he thought Tony had died. He couldn't catch his breath and his chest hurt something terrible. 

Peter lost time. All he was aware of how tight his chest was and how much it hurt. He had probably been coughing for several weeks when he managed to become aware of his surroundings enough to realize he was sitting on the floor of the cafeteria and that Ned was crouched down in front of him looking very concerned and stressed. The pressure on his chest finally let up enough that Peter braved a small breath and nearly cried in relief when he managed it. He reached out towards Ned and the other boy took his hand, squeezing it firmly in his own. 

"Peter the nurse wants to know who she should call if May isn't picking up?"

"May's got a big surgery she's in on today," Peter whispered hoarsely, wanting nothing more than to just lay down and sleep. 

"Yeah, Pete, but who else should we call? You need to go to the hospital and you can't go to the regular one, remember?" Ned's voice dropped to a whisper at the end of his question, looking pointedly at Peter.

Oh, right. Spider DNA.

"Um,my da- Tony should be my second contact."

"I don't think the nurse believes that."

Peter just wanted to go home.

"Just get my phone and call him, Ned, please," Peter ground out before another coughing fit overtook him. He lost time again, the coughing seeming endless.

When he came back to himself, aching chest and shallow breathing and all, it was due to the pressure of a calloused hand at the back of his neck, checking his temperature like you would a child. Somehow Peter knew he was safe, even if he wasn't really aware. Safe like with Ben and May and Tony and Pepper. Whoever this safe person was, they were going to take him somewhere that he could finally breathe and sleep. They had to, because Peter wasn't sure he could stand the aching fire in his chest anymore.

"Bubba we're gonna go now okay? We have to go get you checked out. You're gonna be okay, bub."

Peter groaned as he was shifted around and gathered up into strong arms. He coughed a couple of times harshly, but a warm hand rubbed his back and he was able to calm himself back down to slow, shallow breaths. He dozed as whoever had picked him up began walking somewhere. Peter hoped it was somewhere warm, because he was freezing.

"God, you really can just cart him around like a toddler, huh?"

"Yeah, Hap, freaky spider powers will do that to you apparently. Door please."

The mystery savior maneuvered him strangely and then they began driving somewhere, Peter didn't know or care where. All he cared about was that the person carrying him helped him lay down across the comfy bench seat and placed his head in their lap before carding their fingers through his sweaty hair. Peter breathed in and out and that was the last thing he remembered before he was asleep. He was safe.

**\-----------------------------------------------------**

When Tony got the call, he actually thought FRIDAY had been making a mistake. Why else would his billion dollar artificial intelligence system be contacting him to tell him that Peter Benjamin Parker was currently at school with all the symptoms of pneumonia. Tony wasted precious seconds pulling up Peter's vitals himself in complete disbelief, which he accessed via the watch he had gifted the teenager after one too many sleepwalking episodes that ended in Peter sleeping on the ceiling or wedged in some odd place that took them too long to find him. 

What Tony pulled up on the HUD of his glasses had him lurching to his feet and tapping the nanobot housing unit on his chest, a suit encasing him in seconds. He urged FRIDAY to go as fast as possible towards Queens and Midtown High. On the way he texted Happy to get to the kid's school as fast as he could. Nothing would hinder him when he was trying to ensure his child's health and well-being.

Later, he would unpack exactly how momentous it was for him to think of Peter as his own child.

Now he had to worry about keeping his kid alive.

So Tony pushed through the panic attack that was hovering on the outskirts of his consciousness as he landed down the block from Peter's school and sprinted to the office entrance. After signing in and confirming who he was to Peter, Tony was ushered towards the cafeteria and into one of his worst nightmares.

His son, struggling to breathe and panicking on the dirty floor.

Tony was by Peter's side before he had fully registered he was even moving. Peter started violently at the sound of his mentor dropping to the floor beside him, and Tony knew he wasn't truly aware of what was going on around him. Ned was holding Peter's hand, but when the genius arrived, the Hawaiian boy shot him a grateful if stressed smile and gave the duo space. 

"Bubba?" Tony whispered the nickname only he was allowed to call Peter and felt a warmth spread in his chest when the teen immediately relaxed, like he had finally realized he was safe.

"Bubba we're gonna go now okay? We have to go get you checked out. You're gonna be okay, bub."

Peter made a noncommittal sound as Tony began shifting him around in preparation for being carried. Tony was too concerned with how out of it Peter was to worry about the teen being mortified at being carried like a child by Iron Man in front of his classmates. Peter had fever spots high on his cheek bones that stood out against his almost grey pallor in a frightening manner. The billionaire reached out and combed his fingers through Peter's sweaty curls as he shifted the teen so he could lift him, Peter mumbling softly as Tony rose to his full height.

Peter coughed harshly and Tony soothed him immediately, hating how much he loved getting to baby Peter. He hurried out of the high school, eyes flicking back and forth between where he was going and his son in his arms, who was shivering and making small pained noises. Tony sighed in relief when Happy's text lit up on his glasses, alerting him to the driver's arrival.

Tony charged out the building and was met with the pinched and worried expression of the ironically named man.

"He's gonna be fine, Hap, just needs the MedBay," Tony rushed out. "Let's go."

"God, you really can just cart him around like a toddler, huh?" Happy tried to lighten the mood as he pulled the door open for Tony to maneuver through. 

"Yeah, Hap, freaky spider powers will do that to you apparently. Door please."

Tony laid Peter across the seat and placed the teen's head in his lap, smiling to himself when Peter curled into him and sighed softly, looking so childlike Tony's chest hurt. He loved this kid. His kid. He was unbelievably worried, but he knew all he could do was keep Peter calm as Happy broke every traffic law known to man. 

Suddenly they were somehow in the MedBay and people were taking Peter from him. Tony panicked, caught off guard, but realized that they were going to help him more than Tony could in that moment and so he pressed a firm kiss to Peter's curls and let him go. The moment Peter was whisked out of the room, Tony hit the ground, taking heaving breaths as he counted tiles to ground himself. 

"Tones? Tony, sweetheart, Peter's gonna be fine, the doctors just told me. His healing factor kicked in almost right away after the started him on antibiotics. Tony? You're okay, Peter's okay."

"Pep? Pepper," Tony breathed out. And then in, sighing in relief at the disappearance of the tightness in his chest. Pepper always made it better.

"Hey, welcome back," she smiled from where she knelt on the floor next to him.

"He's gonna be okay?"

"Yes, honey, they just told me."

"Oh thank fuck. I swear that child is going to send me to an early grave, but don't tell him I said that."

"You love him so much," Pepper said in a matter of fact tone as she helped him to stand.

"I do. God, Pep, I do. I never thought I could love someone this much. He's so _good_ , Pep. He's so much better than me. And he's so _stupid_ going to school like this, why didn't he call me? I'm going to ground him for so long after this." 

"Welcome to parenthood, Mr. Stark," Pepper smiled mischievously at Tony, drawing a grin from him as well. "Now, let's go sit with your kid."

**\-----------------------------------------------------**

Peter woke up slowly, feeling more tired than he had ever felt in his entire life. He didn't remember taking a baseball bat to the head, but it sure did feel like he had. He groaned in pain, knowing that opening his eyes might just kill him, the harsh lighting already stabbing its way under his eyelids.

"Open your eyes, bub, I know you're awake."

Peter groaned in response.

"Nope I'm gonna need actual words."

_God, Dad can be annoying._

Now he can feel someone stroking his hair, the hand moving towards more of a tugging motion than a soothing one and Peter felt his face screw up into a frown as he was pulled into alertness.

"Excuse me, I'm annoying? You're the one going to school with actual pneumonia and giving your dear old dad a heart attack."

Peter's eyes flew open at that. Tony read his panic and immediately shifted into Comforting Dad Mode, regretting that his joke had caused Peter distress. The teen's lip started quivering uncontrollably, exhaustion and recovering clearly taking a toll on him. Tony knew Peter was not fully in control of his emotions because he was clearly tired beyond belief. Peter reached out for his mentor, looking much younger than he was with his faced scrunched up in worry and his sleep-mussed curls. Tony immediately moved to within Peter's grasp and the teen breathed out shakily in relief as he clasped the billionaire's hand and held the back of it to his cheek as a tear leaked from his eye.

"H-heart attack?" Peter sounded terrified and Tony's heart jumped into his throat.

"No, Pete, I'm fine. I promise I was worried about you being okay, but nothing happened with my heart, it's still fine. I'm okay."

Peter made a strangled noise, cluing Tony in on the fact that he was working himself up instead of allowing his father-figure's words to calm him down. Tony made a split second decision and was suddenly moving, shushing Peter's frightened shriek, clearly terrified that Tony was leaving him. As if Tony would even _consider_ letting anyone drag him out of this room before Peter was well enough to leave with him. 

Tony climbed into the bed next to his kid, moving the trembling boy into a more comfortable position and sighing when he felt Peter's fingers tangle themselves in the soft fabric of Tony's t-shirt and the teen pulled himself into Tony's chest, leaning into the genius and pressing his ear just below Tony's clavicle. Tony began carding his fingers through Peter's curls and humming softly, breathing deeply as he felt Peter's breathing begin to match his own. Eventually they had both calmed down enough that Tony finally picked up on what Peter was doing. 

His son was listening to his heartbeat and Tony didn't think he had ever loved a person more. 

Pepper had told him that Peter was going to be okay and Pepper never lied to him, but Tony didn't realize that he hadn't truly believed her until this moment. With Peter curled against him, breathing and recovering and warm and _alive_ , Tony finally felt like he could relax. And so he did, drifting off to sleep after listening to his kid finally give in to exhaustion and succumb to sleep, safely pressed against his father.


	5. 1.5

**five times peter didn't know who had carried him and one time he did**

For as long as he lived, Tony would never forget the sound that Peter's skull made when it smashed against the edge of the sidewalk.

_CRACK. Thud._

The latter sound came from the unconscious teenager's limp body slamming into the pavement a split second after his head. Everything around them seemed to freeze, as if the universe was holding her breath to wait for Spider-Man to stand back up like he always did. 

"Spider-Man's down!" Rhodey relayed over comms. Like Tony didn't have a live feed of Peter's every move playing in the corner of his HUD.

"Peter!"

Tony was moving before he realized he had even made the decision to do so, desperately trying to suck in a breath as he shot towards the still form of his son- _his son-_ on the pavement. As he flew towards the teen, Tony frantically had FRIDAY call the Iron Legion, not caring that Pepper had no idea he had created way more suits than they had agreed upon (just in case), just needing to know that he would be able to fully focus on Peter even though the fight was nowhere near over. Doom-bots were attacking Midtown and the Avengers had been called in, with Peter joining them as soon as he was able to.

Doing his best to not give in to the panic that was clawing its way up his throat, Tony landed with a clang, almost falling out of the suit as it opened up. He knelt down and tapped his finger to edge of his nanotech glasses, bringing Peter's vitals up on the new display. 

"FRI, what are we looking at?"

_"A severe concussion, possible damage to the spine, broken ribs, multiple lacerations, a dislocated knee, deep bruising and Peter is currently unconscious. I would recommend immediate medical attention."_

"Fuck. Okay, can I move him?"

_"Yes."_

"Alright, walk me through it, honey."

As Tony maneuvered the injured boy around so FRIDAY could get a better scan of his injuries, Peter let out a pained whimper and Tony swore his whole chest ached at the sound.

"Sh, bubba, sh, I'm sorry sweetheart, sh," Tony murmured, continuing to move him to FRIDAY's specifications. Unable to help himself, Tony found himself carefully tugging off Peter's mask. Distantly he heard the whooshing sound of the Iron Legion arriving and beginning to take care of business. As the mask came off, Tony felt the panic climb back out of the pit of his stomach and he used everything he could to tamp it down. 

Peter's face was a mess. Both eyes looked to be almost swollen shut from being hit repeatedly and his lip was split open, blood dripping to stain his chin. His dark curls were matted to his scalp with blood as Tony found out when he attempted to run his fingers through Peter's hair in an attempt to comfort the boy. He couldn't see anymore of Peter's injuries, but just the sight of the vigilante's face had Tony struggling not to pass out from panicked hyperventilating. 

Somehow, the rest of the team finished the fight and were choosing to regroup around the father-son duo, Tony noting grimly that Peter was the only one with major injuries. Tony began to calm at the sight of the rest of the team being okay, if a little battered and bruised. He suddenly was aware of the hot tears streaming down his face, and he bowed his head in an attempt to hide the raw emotion from the Avengers. 

"Tones, what do you need? Has he woken up?"

"FRIDAY has a quinjet coming, I'll need a neck brace and a stretcher so we can move him. He hit his head p-pretty hard," Tony was proud that his voice only wavered once, but because Rhodey knew him so well, Tony wasn't surprised when he heard the whirring of his best friend's suit crouching down next to them. 

"How bad is it?"

"Nothing fatal, but he hasn't moved. I-I'm so scared, Rhodey, he has to be okay. I _need_ him to b-be o-okay," Tony was losing his grip on the panic. 

"He's going to be okay. FRIDAY hasn't said anything to make you think any different, right?"

Tony was too busy rubbing his thumb gently against Peter's cheekbone, almost dissolving into tears when the corner of his son's mouth twitched up into an almost smile in response to the comforting touch. The only thing he wanted in that moment was for Peter's eyes to blink open and to watch the boy look around for Tony, to see the relief on his face when he would spot the billionaire. Peter remained utterly unconscious and Tony cursed internally when he realized he had allowed himself to get his hopes up.

"I-I don't, Rhodey he hit his head," Tony's vision was suddenly going fuzzy on the edges.

"Tony? Tony! Tones, come on man, don't shut down. Peter's going to be just fine."

Suddenly Peter's still form began moving and Tony was not the one manipulating him. 

The genius panicked, a guttural scream ripping from his lungs as he kept one hand on Peter and swiped around blindly with the other, a gauntlet forming within seconds as he prepared himself to blow off a limb of anyone who dared to take Peter away from him. Tony was breathing heavily, throat raw and aching as his eyes darted around wildly, looking for any threat that put his baby in danger.

"No! N-no, please, he hit his head, I-I have to help him," Tony didn't recognize the voice that was exiting his lips.

"Tony, we have to move him so he can get fixed up," Steve's voice said. 

"He's hurt. He got hurt," Tony cradled Peter closer to his own body, subconsciously shielding him. "He's just a b-baby, he hit his head."

"We know, Tony, please let us help both of you," Bruce spoke softly.

"Tones.." Rhodey trailed off. He had never seen his best friend act like this, with a vehemence that could only be compared to paternal instinct, yet an uncertain innocence due to his inexperience with parenting.

"I'm carrying him," Tony suddenly spoke with a newfound determination and a finality that shook the team gathered around the injured teen and his protective father-figure and let them know that there would be no changing the billionaire's mind. "Where's the jet?"

And on that note, and with FRIDAY instructing him on how to safely carry his child, Tony stood with the vigilante in his arms and was proud of himself for only stumbling once as he began walking in the direction of the quinjet. Now that he could allow himself to focus on other things, Tony shifted Peter around so that his face was tucked into the billionaire's neck and hidden away from any and all prying eyes. That was the only reason he moved Peter, Tony tried to convince himself, it obviously had nothing to do with how comforting it was to have Peter's soft breathing fanning out against his neck. This way he knew Peter was actively breathing and alive. 

Tony didn't know exactly what he would do if that fact ever became something of the past.

The ride back to the Tower and the following arrival at the medical wing were nothing but a series of blurs that Tony would sort through later or ask FRIDAY to replay. He did remember a team of medical personnel having to convince him to let the teenager go and be looked over. Peter was taken away to surgery since his advanced healing was working against his favor and healing things while they were still displaced. Tony had never been more on edge or stressed than he was while waiting for the news that Peter was going to be okay. He was grateful for the balance that the team found with waiting, they weren't too pushy but Tony definitely knew they were there supporting both he and Peter.

"He's going to be just fine."

Tony had never been more grateful for the sound of Helen Cho's voice. He stopped right where he was, halfway between his seat and the coffee maker, going for an unknown number of refills and dropped into a crouch, bracing his hands on the cool tile floor. An involuntary sob ripped through his chest, and Tony's cheek hit his knee as he curled in on himself, desperately trying to hide the onslaught of emotions that Peter seemed to coax out of him with little to no struggle on the teen's part. Tony sobbed again, rocking back and sitting on the floor in the middle of the room when he couldn't keep his balance. He buried his face into his knees and let out a noise that was a mixture of a sob and a shout, almost hysterical with relief and joy and the overwhelming terror at the prospect of losing a child- _his child_ \- and the full lung capacity that came with your child still being alive and _okay._

"Tony, Tones, why don't we go see Peter? C'mon man, let's go see your kid and try to regulate your breathing a little...why don't you start giving me the Fibonacci sequence from the beginning? There you go, good job Tony." Hands were suddenly guiding him down the hall. Tony felt like all the stress was finally hitting him and that his body was almost shutting itself down in preparation for rest now that his son was okay. He knew with peculiar certainty that he had exactly enough energy to get to Peter and then his energy tank would be empty. So, he allowed himself to be towed along, trusting Rhodey to bring him to his child.

They entered a room, Tony registered faintly, looking around dazedly. Then he honed in on the sleeping form of his son and channeled the last of his energy to propelling himself forward and on to the bed next to Peter. There he reached out and tucked Peter carefully into his side, the teen's face pressed into the soft skin of Tony's neck, oxygen cannula jabbing the billionaire softly as Peter breathed. Tony looked down at the sleeping form in his arms and quickly lost himself in counting Peter's breaths simply because he could. Wrapping his arms around the boy's head, Tony ran his fingers through the now soft curls, humming in satisfaction as he realized that some nurse had taken the time to wash his baby's hair. Tears leaked from the genius's eyes as Peter moved of his own accord and tucked himself more securely into his father's chest, sighing like a much younger child.

Tony was at peace.

As he drifted, Tony heard everyone clear out and registered the lights dimming. Peter snuffled in his sleep, pressing impossibly closer to the genius. Tony tucked the blankets around the teen, ensuring he was secure but not restricted and then reached up and carded his fingers through Peter's hair before he could stop himself. With a sleepy eye on the door, Tony pressed a firm kiss to his child's hairline. Then, and only then, did Tony allow himself to relax and finally sleep.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Peter awoke slowly, feeling like he had been asleep for years but could sleep a hundred more. He turned towards the warmth in order to do just that, when he registered where he was. The medical wing at Dad's house. 

"Da? Dad? Dad?!" Peter mumbled with increasing urgency.

"Sh, bubba I'm right here, sh, go back to sleep. Dad's here. I'm right here."

Peter felt the words more than heard them, recognizing the deep vibrations of Tony's chest as he spoke and that he was _safe_. He breathed in deeply, inhaling the scent of sweat, oil, faint charring and just _Dad_ and sighed contentedly. He drifted off to the comforting feeling of Tony's fingers in his hair and the faint rumbling of his dad speaking with a nurse, knowing he would be okay because Tony would make it so. 

"Love you," Peter murmured against his dad's neck, catching Tony's attention mid-sentence.

"I love you so much, Peter," was breathed against Peter's forehead in response, before Tony rejoined the conversation over Peter's head. Peter fell asleep on the next rise of his father's chest.


	6. 1.6

**five times peter didn't know who had carried him and one time he did**

Tony Stark was in one of his least favorite places, which just so happened to be at the hospital bedside of Peter Parker. As the harried billionaire watched his son's sleeping face, he couldn't help but breathe a soft sigh of relief. Peter's wisdom teeth coming out was one of the least stressful trips to the MedBay Tony had ever experienced. When it came to Peter, Tony's worry never ceased, but this whole experience was rather mundane and Tony was honestly looking forward to seeing his kid high off his ass.

As Peter began to shuffle around on the bed and scrunching his face up, looking so much younger than he was, Tony braced himself. Peter on drugs was a unique experience to say the least, with no two times being anywhere near the same. Sometimes the teenager was bouncing off the walls with a supply of energy Tony could only dream of. Other times Peter just talked and talked and talked. About anything that his mind flitted to. Loudly. Talkative Peter was one of Tony's favorites because Tony could ask him almost anything and Peter's mouth would move faster than his brain and he would blurt out the truth. This was how Tony found out that Peter's favorite Avenger was Iron Man, that he was scared of spiders and that sometimes Peter lied about getting injuries on patrol because he actually got hurt being clumsy and many other things he could tease the kid about. No time was the same and every time just made Tony love the kid all the more.

Tony watched quietly as Peter became more aware of his surroundings, holding his breath as he waited to see what the teen would do as he woke up. Peter shifted and huffed loudly before blinking his eyes open and wincing at the harsh LED lights. Tony silently dimmed the lights from his HUD on his glasses and continued to sit quietly. He knew normally Peter would be able to hear his heartbeat once the teen woke up, but with all the drugs they had to pump into his system for a surgery like he had had, Tony wasn't surprised that Peter had forgotten to focus in on his mentor's pulse. 

Peter blinked owlishly, mouth hanging slightly open around the gauze in between his teeth. Tony watched as he looked all around the room, eyes finally falling on his mentor. Tony had been expecting a wide grin and loud greeting. Tony had been expecting anything else besides what actually happened. 

Which was Peter meeting his mentor's amused gaze and immediately bursting into hysterical tears.

Tony surged forward in concern, hands reaching out to comfort his son as he sobbed like a toddler. Peter sucked in a huge breath as Tony sat on the edge of the hospital bed, the teenager barely registering the weight beside him. He sobbed again, causing a twinge in Tony's chest at the feeling off utter helplessness that washed over him. Tony reached out and carefully brushed the tears off Peter's swollen chipmunk cheeks.

"Bubba, c'mon it's okay, sh. Honey you need to calm down or you're going to puke or rip your stitches. It's okay," Tony's voice took on the deep, rumbling cadence he only used with Peter, having picked up on the way the teen would press himself ever closer to his father's chest to listen to the vibrations when he needed comfort. Calming slightly, Peter finally seemed to register that Tony was with him. 

"Dad?" Peter's voice trembled as he let out another sob.

Tony didn't think that he would ever get used to hearing Peter call him that, his heart clearly in agreement as it swooped in his chest.

"Yeah, bub, it's me," Tony said lightly, hoping the confirmation of his presence would help stop the hoarse crying that still hadn't let up. "What do you need, Pete? Anything?"

What Tony had expected was a request for hot chocolate or comfort food or the Iron Man Build-A-Bear that Peter had admitted he had the last time he had been drugged up after surgery.

But, it seemed like his kid's sole purpose today was to catch his father off-guard and as soon as Tony asked the question, Peter surged forward, hands held towards the genius like a toddler asking to be picked up. Tony reacted on instinct, moving faster than he even knew he could, removing the blanket and various monitor connections from his son as the boy clambered into his lap and threw his arms around Tony's shoulders. 

"Wanna go with you, Dad. I'm scared and I don' like it here. Please," Peter murmured from where he had hidden his face against the side of Tony's neck. Tony knew this was just the drugs affecting the teen, but he couldn't help but begin rocking from side to side as he rubbed Peter's back. "I feel weird. I don't like it, please make it stop feelin' so weird."

He could sense that Peter was working himself back up and Tony knew that the best way to avoid a full breakdown was to move Peter back to the penthouse where he was most comfortable. The only issue was that the kid didn't seem like he was going to let go any time soon. Not that Tony minded carrying the teenager, especially since he weighed hardly anything at all since the bite, but the other times he had carried Peter, the boy had been much less aware of his surroundings and had never remembered Tony carrying him. Tony didn't want him to feel embarrassed or babied, even though Tony loved to embarrass and baby the kid. Now wasn't the time for any of that.

"Sh, Dad'll make it okay, bub. You gotta let me go, though so I can do that."

He really should have realized that bargaining with a scared, drugged up child was not the way to go.

"Mm," Peter grunted against Tony's shoulder, clearly on his way back to sleep. Tony reached for the call button and pressed it, knowing they wouldn't be allowed out the MedBay until Peter had been checked over and officially released. A nurse entered a moment later, Peter's lack of reaction to someone new in the room being a testament to how good the drugs he was on were. Tony was so used to Peter just knowing where people were with his freaky spider powers, that he didn't think to warn Peter that someone else was with them. A soft smile crossed the nurse's kind face as she took in the sight of Tony holding his mostly asleep teenager in his lap like a much younger child and running his fingers through Peter's messy curls. 

Nurse Nina moved swiftly and silently around the room, gathering what she needed before approaching the two people on the hospital bed. Tony watched her, always a little wary of who was interacting with the light of his life, and shifted slightly so she had better access to Peter.

"Pete," he murmured. "C'mon, bubba, we made a deal. You gotta let go so we can go home."

Nina reached out for Peter's hand, grabbing it gently to take his pulse. 

Peter screamed.

"NO! NO! Dad! Tony! No, please don't take me away!" Peter cried out, scrambling to hold on to Tony, despite the fact that no one was trying to move him. "No! No, no, no! I wanna go with my Dad."

The nurse stepped back with a contrite smile, meeting Tony's slightly panicked gaze over the top of Peter's head. Then Tony's attention was back on Peter. He began humming, knowing the vibrations from his voice were the best at calming Peter down. Slowly, Peter was brought back from the edge of hysteria and picked his head up off of Tony's shoulder to look blearily around the room.

Nurse Nina took this as a chance to introduce herself, not able to hide her fond smile as Peter jumped at the sound of her voice and instantly hid his face back against Tony, nodding minutely when she asked if he was okay with her checking him over. Nina was obviously a seasoned pro, which was to be expected since Tony only hired the best of the best, and by the time she had finished the examination, Peter was sending her shy smiles and murmuring soft answers. He refused to let go of Tony, and the billionaire was concerned with how the boy's breathing would hitch with panic every time Nina had him move around.

Peter had never acted like this before and it was incredibly endearing and would probably embarrass the kid to no end if he remembered anything later. Tony was concerned with how he was going to move the kid without him panicking and ripping his stitches or thinking that Tony was abandoning him. According to Nina's whispered update, Peter was fine to be moved and the drugs were going to need quite a few hours of sleeping off before Peter wasn't being affected by them. A wheelchair was brought in, presumably to assist in Peter's departure and Tony almost laughed at the medical team's optimism. There was no way in hell Peter was letting go of the genius in the state that he was in. 

"Here we are Mr. Stark," Peter flinched at the attendant's greeting and tucked himself closer to Tony, grumbling at the interruption of his mission to sleep. "Why don't we get Peter situated in this so he can go sleep in his own bed."

"He's not going to let me put him down."

"Oh, um," The man was clearly thrown off by the blunt statement, and looked in confusion towards Nina. The nurse in question shrugged and the orderly continued hesitantly. "It's the only way I can let him leave. We're required to at least try."

"Alright, but if it takes forever to calm him down, I'm blaming you."

Tony stood, shifting Peter to carry him like a toddler and stepping toward where the wheelchair was being braced for him to place Peter in. 

"Dad? We goin' home?" Peter slurred. "'m goin' with you? You're gonna carry me. Love when you do that. Love that. Love you..."

Tony hated what he knew was about to happen. He pressed a kiss to the side of Peter's head and bent to place the boy in the wheelchair. Peter caught on much more quickly than Tony had expected and Freaked. Out. His brown eyes flew open in a panic and confusion, searching for. Tony frantically. Tony let go of his hold on Peter hurriedly in order move his hands up to grasp Peter's clasped ones and try to disconnect them before the teenager remembered he had super strength and stickiness. He managed to get Peter's hands off of his neck, but wasn't quick enough to avoid the vigilante sticking to his right wrist. Peter burst into tears, reaching out towards his father with the hand he wasn't using to stick to Tony, with a look of confusion and fear on his tired face that was enough to shatter Tony's resolve.

"Dad! No, no! Don't take him 'way I need 'im, 'm scared and I don't feel goo'. Please I-I... DAD! My dad is Mr. Stark, please no!" Peter was obviously panicking and Tony had had absolutely enough of that bullshit, heart hurting as Peter timidly tugged on the hand that he was stuck to.

Tony bent back down and Peter wasted no time unsticking his hand and wrapping his arms back around the billionaire, still sobbing horrendously, great shuddering gasps wracking his body as the genius lifted his son back into his arms. He immediately began shushing the distraught teenager, who was clinging to him like the drugged, exhausted and overwhelmed child that he was. Tony rubbed Peter's back with a calloused hand, glaring daggers at the orderly who had caused this whole freak out, causing the man to pale in fear. Peter was still crying and calling for Tony weakly, almost totally out of it and Tony knew both he and his kid were ready for a well-deserved nap.

"Alright, we tried it. The wheelchair is not happening and now I'm going to have to pull out all the stops to get him to sleep. Let FRIDAY know anything that I need to know about him. We're going home," Tony spoke with the authority only he could pull off and adjusted his kid in his arms before striding off determinedly. 

In the elevator a few seconds later, Tony drew a deep breath, trying to get his temper back under control. Peter didn't need his anger, he needed Tony to be able to take care of him. Finally, Tony felt calm enough to take stock of what he was dealing with. He turned his head and shifted Peter around, the teen still crying tiredly. Tony could tell Peter was beyond exhausted, almost every other time he blinked he would fall mostly asleep and his hands would loosen a little bit more from where they were tangled up in Tony's sweatshirt. The elevator beeped softly, letting Tony know they were finally home. 

Peter sniffled quietly before Tony heard his whispered, "I'm so _safe._ Dad is safe and I'm safe."

A year ago, Tony would have heard that and thought about how much he didn't deserve this kid, but now all he could think about was how much he loved Peter Parker.

"Yeah, bubba, you're okay, you're safe. Dad's here," Tony murmured as he pushed Peter's door open, already immensely thankful that he had worn sweats and a sweatshirt for Peter's surgery because now that the kid was in so much need of physical affection, Tony knew that Peter would only sleep if Tony was with him. That was confirmed when Tony leaned down to put Peter in bed and his breathing immediately shifted to panicked gasps and he made a frantic, terrified noise of protest.

"No, Dad, don't let me go! I don' feel goo' and I wan' Dad. Dad..." Tony bit back a smile as Peter trailed off mid-sentence. He tucked Peter in, silently thanking whatever God was listening that Peter had pretty much worn himself out with all the panicking, and then climbed in next to Peter, stretching out on top of the comforter he had just tucked around his son and grabbing a lighter throw blanket to cover his legs with. Peter was a heater when he slept as well as a cuddler and Tony had long since learned that he only needed a light blanket when Peter wanted his dad to stay with him. 

"Dad...," Tony trailed off pointedly, ducking his head to catch Peter's hooded gaze as the teenager reached out to fist Tony's sweatshirt.

"Dad 'ways save me. 'e ma'es it all better. Carries me when 'm sleepy or I was dumb. Love him," Peter was whispering so softly Tony was almost positive that he had no idea he was even talking out loud. He gathered Peter closer to him, tucking the teen against his side and wiped the tears that were still silently slipping down Peter's swollen cheeks. Tony's hand froze on it's path to Peter's hair, before he worked into the soft curls and began softly scratching the teenager's scalp in the rhythm that he knew would knock the kid out. Tony was so distracted by Peter's admission that he was not just aware but even craved Tony carrying him, that he hadn't even realized he was humming until Peter's sleepy voice spoke up again.

"I used to love _Tarzan_ , used to watch it wi' Ben 'nd May."

Tony was confused until he realized he had been humming _You'll Be in My Heart_ without realizing he even knew the song. 

"Yeah? That's good, bub, why don't we try to calm down and sleep, yeah?" Tony murmured fondly, watching as Peter's eyes drifted closed. 

"Mkay, Dad. May knows?"

"Yeah, May knows, don't worry. Just sleep, bubba," Tony whispered, beginning to hum again as he watched Peter finally, blessedly, fall asleep against the genius. Tony meant to merely close his eyes in relief that Peter was no longer stressed or in pain, but he ended up falling asleep as well, content with knowing that his son was in his arms and safe. 


	7. 2.0

_**inspired by the song "in case you don't live forever" by ben platt** _

_You put all your faith in my dreams_

_You gave me the world that I wanted_

_What did I do to deserve you?_

_I_ _follow your steps with my feet_

_I walk on the road that you started_

_I need you to know that I heard you, every word_

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

**just in case, i love you {or** **five times tony and peter didn't say "i love you" out loud, and one time they did}**

The phrase was almost like a family tradition for the Parkers. It was a little morbid, sure, if you were a "glass half empty" kind of person, but for the Parkers, it was a phrase that held the utmost meaning. When Peter had moved in with his aunt and uncle, he hadn't understood why. He knew it was irrational to be angry with his four-year-old self, but sometimes he was because four-year-old Peter had gotten to May and Ben's apartment and had immediately sprinted away from his parents in the doorway, off to play with the Legos he had brought in front of the TV that was "sooooo much better" than the one at home.

Four-year-old Peter Parker pushed his mother away when she peppered him with kisses before his father wrapped his arms around the curly headed toddler and murmured a soft reminder to be good for Ben and May, Peter huffing and wriggling to be released. Four-year-old Peter Parker didn't tell his parents that he loved them before they went away and died. Seventeen-year-old Peter Parker tries to show anyone and everyone that he loves them, because he knows how it can destroy a person from the inside out to regret something like that.

Once four-year-old Peter understood that his parents weren't coming home, he was inconsolable for weeks. He cried and cried and cried, overwhelmed by such an utter and complete sadness that he didn't know what to do with himself. When the pain had dulled slightly, eased by the loving presence of his aunt and uncle, Peter knew in his heart that the reason that his mommy and daddy hadn't come back was because he hadn't said "I love you" when they left.

And so the phrase was born.

"Just in case, I love you."

Peter will never forget the first time he said it. Ben was gathering what he needed for a shift at the precinct, his first since Peter's parents had died. Peter remembered watching his uncle move swiftly around the apartment, checking things off a mental list as he readied himself to leave the safety of the apartment, where the three of them had grieved since the funeral. Peter wobbled over towards his uncle, who was standing by the door, about to leave. When he noticed his nephew approaching, Ben steeled himself and knelt down next to the tiny boy, a softness in his eyes that Peter had only seen before on his father.

"Hey, bud, what's up?"

Peter stepped forward slowly, reaching out to place his two small hands on top of one of Ben's.

"J-just, just i-in..." Peter felt unbidden tears well up in his eyes. The stutter had plagued him his entire four years of living, but it got so much worse when he was upset and he _hated_ it.

"Just in c-case, I love y-you," he whispered like he was praying.

Ben's face crumpled and he swept Peter up into his arms, breathing heavily. Peter wrapped his arms around his uncle's neck and sighed, allowing himself to hope against hope that this was enough to make his uncle call out of work and stay here with May and Peter, where he was _safe_ and Peter could _see_ him. But life doesn't always give you want you want and Peter was learning that the hard way. Ben squeezed him tight before setting him back down again with a heavy sigh, like he was trying not to cry.

"I love you, too, Pete. Always."

May was the next one on the receiving end of the phrase, Peter approaching her much the same way he had Ben.

"Just i-i-in case, I l-love you."

And so it was coined. Every time one of them left the company of the other members of their little mosaic family, they would tell the one leaving, "Just in case, I love you." Eventually it was shouted amongst happy laughter, or they sang it or it was yelled during a tickle-monster attack. Sometimes it was said with the heavy weight of sadness behind it. But it was always said. In so many different ways. Always.

Until the night that Ben was murdered.

Peter and Ben had both been angry beyond belief and Ben had left to grab something from the convenience store, like he always did when he needed a breath of fresh air. A few minutes after the door slammed, Peter suddenly was struck by the horrid realization that he hadn't said it. He bolted after his uncle, but even with his new powers (the reason behind their fight) he didn't catch up to his uncle until the corner store. Peter rounded the corner at top speed, furiously scrubbing at his eyes in order to see through the tears as he searched for his uncle.

He was just reaching out to push the door open to the corner store that Ben always swore had the best slushies when he heard the gunshots. Peter froze, sucking in a harsh breath as he realized that the shots had come from inside the store.

 _Ben_.

The man Peter had been named after didn't come home that night, or any night after that. On some level, Peter knew it was completely irrational to hold himself in any way responsible for any part of his uncle's death, but deep down, in a dark part of him, he couldn't help it. Ben died because Peter hadn't told his uncle he loved him, just like he hadn't told his parents before they never came back. He was a murderer, plain and simple. Peter knew he could never tell May what he had done, lest she kick him out like he deserved, but he promised himself and all of the people he had lost that he would spend the rest of his life working to help the little guy, no matter what.

And Peter Parker _did_.

\-----------------------------------------

_We, we've only got so much time_   
_I'm pretty sure it would kill me  
If you didn't know the pieces of me are pieces of you_

\-----------------------------------------

_I have a hero whenever I need one  
I just look up to you and I see one  
I'm a man 'cause you taught me to be one_

\-----------------------------------------

_In case you don't live forever, let me tell you now_

_I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around_

_In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth_

_I_ _'m everything that I am because of you_

\-----------------------------------------

_In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth_   
_As long as I'm here as I am, so are you_

_\-----------------------------------------_

**if you haven't listened to this song, i highly recommend it! it's beautiful and it has pieces of both tony and peter within the lyrics. i hope you enjoy! ~elise**


End file.
